The Myth of Masculine Withholding

Men have learned to withhold their sexual passions and desires from their partners to allow their women to experience one or more orgasms prior to their own release, this is done to be less selfish and more generous in their sexual practice. While it is true that many men need to get over their addiction to their own sexual release and should be more generous lovers, there is also an ego trap for those who are withholding their passions from their women in order to be better performers — namely, these men get dopamine and pride jolts for giving their women orgasmic pleasure and for being superior lovers, thus putting the pressure to perform back on their woman to supply the needed orgasms to satisfy his ego.

At a certain point in a man’s sexual journey, he must again dive into pure passion, pleasure, and raw desire for his woman, giving himself fully to her as a gift, even if it means that she doesn’t have multiple orgasms, or that he orgasms before she can. Sexual intimacy is more than orgasm, and withholding desire to improve masculine performance is stealing a large portion of her sexual satisfaction from her. Both may be pleasantly surprised by the possibility that once he gives himself fully to her, that he will not ejaculate prematurely, and she will end up even more satisfied and orgasmic through their experience together. He may also find that he can enter into an orgasmic state of his own that rolls along with hers, making it an experience that reaches multiple peaks and valleys together, deepening their shared intimacy even further.  After all, is premature ejaculation really premature once a man can continue to have passionate sex after a climax, including more peak orgasms?  His ability to orgasm (with or without ejaculation) easily and effortlessly might actually be considered a gift in such a situation!

There are several major tantric practices and instructors that urge men to withhold ejaculation to conserve life force energy, and to allow for greater energetic sensitivity, however, we feel that this is only a practice for beginning tantric students and can be detrimental in the long run to joint sexual pleasure and experiences. You see, men are capable of experiencing multiple peak orgasms without ejaculating simply through intent (not muscle control); and if a man is avoiding a peak because he is afraid of losing energy through ejaculation, he is missing out on the experience of peaking without ejaculation. This is another reason why we suggest that men not withhold themselves from their woman during sex, because it removes all possibility of reaching even deeper levels of intimacy with their partners.

Lastly, if all we are attempting to do is wake up to the notion that we are stuck in duality, and find ways to manage that reality, such as avoiding energy loss through withholding a man’s ejaculation, then the current tantric model might make sense. We feel that unity consciousness is also a possibility for tantric lovers though, creating a toroidal flower of life energy flow between the masculine and feminine within the individual and the relationship. If this is the case, then the masculine must give his all to his woman from his genitals and not withhold anything from her, just as she must give him her all from her heart without withholding anything from him. Therefore, energy loss does not come from masculine ejaculation then, but from experiencing the wrong energetic pattern of flow between them; it is time that we correct this at the original cause, instead of trying to manage the effect.

~Nathan & Aline

About Nathan & Aline

------- Enjoy the article? Leave a tip in our PayPal Tip Jar -------
Other Amount:

2 Responses to “The Myth of Masculine Withholding”

Read below or add a comment...

  1. Kaitlyn says:

    This is bunk. My husband used to try this with me all the time and it was completely selfish. He did not are about my needs, just perfecting this technique. Plus we were trying to have children. How could that have happened, impossible! I feel like this technique is crap, he should have just used some object to practice with, instead of using me as an object. I hate this practice. It totally ruined my marraige

  2. blake says:

    your marriage was ruined long before he began practicing this technique. How did you create this situation for yourself?