“What we do sexually with our partner may seem very different from what we do in the rest of our relationship, but it is in fact simply a reflection, however skewed or energetically magnified, of our overall relationship. What is not working in a relationship will show up in a couple’s sex life, no matter how much sex may seem to be a “solution” to or escape from the rest of the relationship.
Once we stop trying to isolate our sexual activity from the rest of our relationship and skillfully address whatever’s not working in the overall relationship (including exploring the nonsexual factors at play in our sexuality), we become more conscious during sex, so that it becomes not only a time of deeply felt connection, erotic and otherwise, but also a time of discovering, uncovering, and recovering.
Staying connected before, during, and after sex does not mean dutifully trying to be close. It means making your connection with each other such a priority that you are held in the circle of each other’s lovingly awakened embrace, even when that circle expands infinitely.”