There is a misconception within many westernized Tantric communities on the meaning of the word “surrender” and how it applies to men and women. It is thrown around and used as a divine form of submission, especially as a proof of how much a woman trusts her man; to surrender to his divinely masculine love and heart. Unfortunately, this is nothing more than a duality consciousness attempt to understand a unity consciousness concept, it just doesn’t translate well at all.
Surrender has nothing to do with submission, and certainly isn’t needed for trust, it is instead a state of being, a profound acceptance, not to a person, but to the reality found in each given moment. Since it is a state of being, there is no “doing” in it, it cannot be legislated, nor can it be coerced; any and all doing is just a reflection of the state of being, nothing more.
“Doing merely reflects your being, changing what you’re doing without a shift in your being doesn’t change a thing.” ~Nathan Martin & Aline Van Meer
Surrender is also often confused with resignation, to give up hope that anything can ever get better, and although this may be a great first step to surrender as a state of being, it is not the fullness of it, it is just a shell. In truth, “surrender” as a profound acceptance comes from understanding a situation so thoroughly as to have become One with it through emotional, spiritual, and physical integration (which is what EFT assists in accomplishing); thus neutralizing any associated judgments and charges.
On the Unity/Duality Feelings Wheel, we find that “Dominance” and “Submission” are dualistic feelings associated with fear, while “Intimacy” is the correlating unity feeling associated with peace. Yes, dominance and submission are the direct counterfeit of intimacy, the only way within duality to experience a form of love and support. However, true intimacy is what unity is, and there are no traces of dominance or submission found in it; so surrender is a state of being that embodies unity consciousness, or quite literally, “intimacy consciousness”. This state of consciousness, or lack thereof, is a dance found between each person’s masculine and feminine energies, and therefore reflected by a person’s external relationships; again the external “doing” reflects the internal “being”.
Someone that would feel triggered by the lack of “surrender” of another very well could be feeling rejected, another dualistic feeling. They are angered that their object is not pretending to trust them, or rather, to submit to them. This feeling of rejection is reflecting a fractured state of being within the one experiencing it, and instead of owning the rejection through seeking to understand it and its roots, they instead project their brokenness onto their mirror using shame and guilt.
Additionally, to say that the masculine and feminine are equal is just another sign of being stuck within the duality of dominance and submission; as equality is a measure and balance within the system, and not the integration of it. Contained within the interconnectedness of the intimacy in a relationship is found the unique expression of each part, but not an equal expression. There will be harmony and flow within an intimate connection, much like there is harmony between an ocean’s tides and the beaches it crashes down upon, but not a method of accounting that seeks fairness. We can therefore say that unity = intimacy = connection = Oneness = uniqueness, and that surrender is a state of being that embodies unity consciousness within any particular relationship type, not an action that can be taken to demonstrate trust (i.e., submissiveness) to create intimacy.