Inside-out vs Outside-in Happiness

One of things that I remember well from my years of dating is the need of many of the women to feel responsible for my happiness, as it reinforced their own desire to feel special, and to feel secure within the relationship.

They would say “I’ve never felt this way before, have you?”

I knew that they were fishing for emotional validation for our relationship, and wanting for me to reply “no, only you have ever made me feel this way”.

This always made me feel uncomfortable, because I had felt that way before, since I wasn’t dependent on women for my emotional well being. This externalized need is false romance, as it is dependent on the external other to validate the authenticity of the relationship, and bypassing around the actual connection, or lack thereof, that the two share. The old saying “wherever you go, there you are” quite literally means that what I experience here I will also experience there, because I am the common denominator in all of my life experiences – positive and negative.

This was a reflection of my own deep seeded insecurities though, for where they were seeking emotional validation, I was seeking physical validation. This is where men and women meet sexually, for the woman sex is usually more emotional, and for the man, sex is usually more physical – sex is the point of singularity where their two vastly different needs meet in the relationship, and appear the same. Women were under the illusion that if they could make me feel special emotionally, then they would be safe, and I was under the illusion that if I could make them feel special sexually and financially, then I would be safe. Of course this is a gender stereotype and is subject to flipping, but each partner will fill up a slot of either the emotionally minded one, and the other by necessity must fill the role of the physically minded one.

A lot of these insecurities are the result of being with the wrong person, somebody who is not a resonant match for who you are as a unique individual. You will still have insecurities with the right person, but you will not require such strong validation once you are with your match who compliments and meets your unique frequency and harmonic. Connecting with the right person takes patience, self-knowledge, understanding, and discernment, for if you lack any of these, you are prone to settling for less than the one unique partner that best meets your harmonic as a unique individual. If we are all the same, then we will all be able to fit together in a one size fits all manner, but if we are all unique, then we will also have a unique match that best compliments our unique purpose and journey through life.

I’m wishing you well on your journey of self-knowledge, so that you too can find your One unique match.

I’m very grateful that I found my unique One – Aline!

About Nathan & Aline

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