How to Forgive

pretty woman refusing apologies from pleading boyfriendWhen we wrote this, we had no idea that July 7th was international forgiveness day, we just love how the Universe works in concert like this!  xo <3  ~Nathan & Aline


As we’ve stated before, we have found that understanding is the catalyst of forgiveness, and that forgiveness comes quite naturally after a person understands “why” any given bad thing may have happened to them.  “Why” is the pattern in their life in the first place?  “Why” are they recreating the pattern?  How are they both the victim and villain within the situation, even if they are just resisting acting out the villain role?  Once the situation and pattern is fully understood, with the myriad of angles and depth of conscious awareness, the pattern dissolves and forgiveness can’t help but permeate the situation. In this way, understanding truly can heal all things, if we just seek for it.

The problem is, most people don’t seek for understanding, instead they choose to blame and eradicate the perceived injustice as something external to them; they do not see how they helped co-create the issue, and they definitely do not want to believe that they contain the genetic blueprint of the very same villainy within them.  Often, instead of seeking to understand their co-creation, they will punish their offender in the hopes that their villain will not repeat the painful offense ever again.  However, if they do desire to forgive, since it may be the “right thing” to do, they often stuff their resentment, sadness, and fear down deep within them, so that they can move on in a positive way; but this obviously isn’t actual forgiveness, but a mask called forgiveness, and it isn’t actual peace, it’s submission to an expectation of peace.  

It can therefore be said, that if the foundation of forgiveness is understanding, then the foundation of understanding is self-responsibility.  For without the capacity to own their own baggage, a willingness to look deep within to see how they are both the victim and the villain, and the creator of their own reality, then they will just continue on as a perpetual victim; unless of course they finally snap from the pain and become a villain.

To leave the perpetual cycle of victim, victim, victim, until you snap and become a villain, you must:

  1. Take ownership and personal responsibility for your life, both the good and the bad, and realize that you are the creator of your life, nobody else is responsible for you, and you are not responsible for them.  While your behavior and manifestations may show you a different reality, this awareness is a stable starting point to changing your life experiences.
  2. Seek understanding of “why” you behave and believe as you do, and allow your feelings and triggers to be the messengers that alert you of your limiting beliefs and patterns.  Understanding “why” is often multi-layered, so you will need to have patience as the layers of your reality come to the surface to be understood and integrated.  The “epiphany” and “aha moment” is usually the instant of understanding, keep asking “why” until you receive it.
  3. Forgiveness is also multi-layered, as understanding flows in, forgiveness will also occur one epiphany at a time, but as long as the overall thread of an issue hasn’t been fully understood, the trigger will remain and complete forgiveness may appear elusive.  Stay the course, as this process really does provide meaningful and lasting change.

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