“How” to Ask Yourself “Why” Questions

whyDid you know that you create your own reality? As a child, you pull in the limiting patterns and beliefs from your parents, schools, society, and family of origin, through your experiences and interactions with them; these patterns become unconscious rules to live by, which are repeated for the rest of your life. The feelings that you experience are the messengers that reflect (like a mirror) back to you what your expectations, patterns, rules, and beliefs are, therefore you have a link to your past through your current experiences, via your negative feelings. When you ask “why do I feel this way?”, you give yourself the power to transform your patterns to new, better serving ones. (To understand mirrors and reflections more, please see the article “Relationships as a Mirror“.)

We’re often asked “how” the process of asking “why” questions to increase your Self-awareness works, and while it is fairly simple, it does take a little practice.  It can be done alone, with a friend, partner, or a group, and it is best looked at while you’re in the midst of the trigger, to dig deeper into your issues.  If you are blaming another, that is ok, but realize that you are projecting onto your supposed perpetrator, rather than fully seeing the mirror for what it is.  If the trigger wants to blame, just be aware that you want to do so, but don’t let it derail your quest to finding the core pattern and limiting belief that you’re repeating.

You can tap with EFT through the main tapping points or the finger points, but it isn’t mandatory.  Understanding is what makes the process work, EFT is an excellent tool to use with this process.

Here is the process of going within to find your “why” answers.  The answers to all of these questions provide the overall “why” reasons to your current relationship patterns and experiences:

  1. Ask yourself what you are feeling in the moment.
  2. Search for a similar feeling in childhood that matches what you are feeling right now. It could be an interaction between you and a parent, authority figure, friend, or sibling, or it could be something you witnessed between others.
    1. How old are you in the feeling prior to the age of eight?
    2. Who was with you?
    3. What was the story and circumstances surrounding the memory?
  3. Look for the patterns and possible underlying beliefs that the childhood experience caused, using the current experience as a reference.
    1. In the current drama, who are you from the childhood story’s pattern? Parent, you, friend, or relative?
    2. Who was the perpetrator in the childhood story, and who is the perpetrator in the current drama? Parent, you, friend, or relative?
    3. What underlying messages did the experience convey to you about you, life, and relationships?
    4. This underlying belief is an assumption that colors all of your relationships and experiences. Does it serve you?  Why or why not?
  4. Tap on the connection between the past event and the current feelings.
  5. Ask yourself what you would rather desire to feel and experience right now and in the future.
  6. “Go up”.  Based on your new understanding of the old limiting belief, find a new belief that feels better, and offer it to yourself as a new possibility.  Use words such as “maybe”, “possibility”, and “I can try that”.
  7. Feel into the original problem and see how it feels better, worse, or different (shifted).
  8. Keep doing this process until you fully understand why you are feeling what you are feeling, and understand the reasosns that stem from your family relationship patterns and childhood experiences, until the trigger has dissipated or shifted to a new angle.

When this process is mastered and refined, a pattern of looking within for answers, solutions, and understanding is established…it eliminates blame and builds up personal power.

For an example of how to use this process, watch the following EFT video from my EFT YouTube channel “Be Free with EFT”:

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